


Almost

by WarmaCrewe



Category: Namesake (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 13:31:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3292106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarmaCrewe/pseuds/WarmaCrewe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because almost is better than nothing at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rybari](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rybari/gifts).



> For rybari, who loves Bird like a mother loves her violent and temperamental child.

  
Bird is awoken by the squeaky chest of drawers being opened and closed. Then a door and the sound of pounding water from the shower.

It's still pitch black. She looks at the glowing digital clock. 4:45am. She could tune out the shower and sleep a little longer...

“Hey, Bird. I need the room right now. Could you go back to yours?”

Bird sits up, clutching the bedsheet to her breasts. She is naked except for her panties, and her clothing is messily strewn over the floor. She gives him a cold stare.

“Seriously? Fucking seriously, Nose?” she asks disbelievingly.

Nose looks at her calmly, his towel tied about his waist, hair still wet from the shower. “Of course seriously. I need to start working and you aren't involved.”

Bird yanks the blankets off and angrily picks up her clothing. He doesn't even apologize, just stands there expectantly, patiently waiting for her to get dressed. Neither of them says a word to the other. As soon as she is decent she walks out of his room, slamming the door behind her. As she takes a few steps down the hallway she realizes that she left her necklace. Hell if she's going back though.

******************************

The air is chilly as she trudges through the short dirt path to her building. She tries to warm up under her blankets but her feet are still freezing. And of course she isn't able to get back to sleep.

_Fucking bastard. Selfish goddamn asshole._ A number of increasingly creative expletives run through her head for hours until she gives up and heads to the canteen. Only a couple of people are there and she nurses coffee after coffee in a futile effort to energize herself. Today is going to suck.

Banshee is the first person she recognizes. She may be an ice queen, but it's better than nothing. She looks at Bird with concern. Naturally. Banshee only thaws out when you're hurting.

“Rough night?” Banshee asks, sitting down next to Bird with a plate of toast and jam.

“Yeah,” she answers quietly, staring into her cup.

“Want to talk about it?” Banshee asks her. Bird shrugs, but then shakes her head.

“Okay,” Banshee replies and starts eating her toast. “Want some?”

Bird accepts this offering, this small act of caring. Deep down she understands that Banshee might be one of the only people in this shithole that gives a damn about anybody except themselves. Not that they are buddies. She doesn't need this bitch's judgement staring at her back.

Other people are filtering into the hall. Banshee swallows a bite of toast. “Is Nose coming on our mission today?”

Bird doesn't reply, but her face must have said enough. “Ah. I see,” says Banshee.

“That... that lousy fuck,” Bird says huskily, surprising herself. Maybe Banshee is using some magic on her, but suddenly she feels like she could almost cry. But she doesn't. Instead she gets up, leaving her untouched piece of toast on the table. “I need a cigarette. Meet you at eight.”

“Right. See you, Bird.” Banshee replies to her. As Bird walks away she glances back and sees Banshee looking after her. With pity.

That's the last thing in the world she needs right now.

****************************

She's especially vicious today with their marks, scorching the guy they take into custody on his cheek. His scream makes her feel better. Bird knows why she's acting like this, but she doesn't care. She's doing her job, and she's doing it well. Yet in between the gaps in their tasks her mind keeps going back to that morning. And then back to the evening before.

In the afternoon it starts to rain, just in time for their day to end. Great. She knew today was going to suck, this is just the icing on the cake. Bird hates rain. She avoids her team members and escapes to a hipster cafe that doubles as a record store. It's warm and the music is good. Her sandwich is shit though – she forgot that everything was vegan here. _Vegan cheese should be illegal_ , she thinks, as she takes another bite.

***************************

“ _Vanessa,”_ he whispered as he kissed her breasts. He is the only one to call her by her name. What used to be her name. Even though she cast it aside, when he says her old name it sounds like a caress. It fills a hole inside her, a hole she patches up with fire, curse words and cigarettes. It isn't enough.

“ _Vanessa_... yes - _there_ \- like that,” he moaned as she touched him. He held her to his chest tighter with arms that were strong and warm. He kissed her again, moving to cup her cheeks in his hands, stroking her face with tenderness. Almost like he loved her. 

Almost.

*****************************

When she breaks out of her reverie the sky has turned from rainy and grey to rainy and dark. She forces herself to leave the comfortable cafe and return to her gloomy reality.  _Life isn't a daydream, sweetheart._

Tonight the main dish is trout, and Fish has a delighted grin as she takes plate after plate. Her teeth get especially pointy and her temper even meaner than usual.

“You burned his face, eh? Couldn't hold back, could you Bird?” Fish spears the eyeball of her prey with a knife and pops it into her mouth with a crunch. She smiles widely as Bird flinches. “Get used to true cruelty, kid. This isn't Calliope, the storm doesn't end with smiling rainbows. Maybe it's good you taught that man what he's in for.” Fish sucks the flesh off the delicate ribs of the trout, and then bites and crunches them as well, like potato crisps.

Bird is sinking, sinking down. Surrounded by knives. The rain is still pounding outside, and she suddenly realizes that her feet are still cold, they haven't been warm all day. Not since she left his room.

As she exits the dining hall he is there, reaching to the main door the same time she does. Think of the devil.

“Hey,” he greets her, averting his eyes.

“Hey,” she replies.

“You left your necklace,” Nose says, finally looking down at her.

“So I did.” She hasn't forgotten, just kept pushing it out of her mind.

“Are you coming back tonight to get it?”

She looks up at his face. A little hopefulness in his eyes. Not too much. Maybe someday it will be enough. And tonight, in the cold...

“Yeah. I'm coming.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I've done this before_

_And I will do it again_

_Come on and kill me baby_

_While you smile like a friend_

_Oh and I'll come running_

_Just to do it again_

 

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: “Namesake” is the copyright of Isabelle Melançon and Megan Lavey. This story/art is licensed under the Creative Commons as a attribution, non-commerical work. No profit is being made off this piece.
> 
> The lyrics at the end are by Pulp from their song "Like a Friend".


End file.
